Worst. Winter. Ever.

I just had my worst winter ever.

It was filled with lots of depression and long gloomy days even though the sun goes down pretty early. On several occasions, Pineapple expressed concern about my state of mind. Mentally I figured I should be fine since I didn't have anything specific to point to as the cause, but I definitely didn't feel right. Although I was eating the same diet I've been eating all year--and I felt great all the other months--for some reason this winter was abysmal.

Ever since I was a kid I've had trouble getting through the winter. Each winter I get depressed and can never pinpoint why. I've never been professionally diagnosed but I suspect that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (a.k.a. SAD ...not to be confused with SAD [the Standard American Diet]). Basically, with the sun not coming up as high in the sky, my body never quite feels alive; It feels like I am living in a cave. Living in the Seattle area compounds this feeling because the sky is typically cloudy for most of the winter which means I get even less exposure to the sun.

To compensate for this lack of sunlight, I could move much further south, but other than the "winter blues" I like it around here. Portland, Oregon has a similar climate, but it is not located far enough south to get me the sunlight I need.

One way I attempt to wake up my brain is to use a "happy light"; A specially-tuned bright light I position in my periphery for at least 30 minutes. I use it every day, and it has worked fairly well for the last five to six winters, but this year my depression still persisted.

One day in March I watched a documentary titled Living Proof about a guy with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) who brought it under control via diet and exercise. Apparently MS is a huge problem in Canada where they get less sunshine during the winter months, and consuming Vitamin D is an essential part of bringing it under control. Also, MS appears to be an auto-immune disease. Hmmmm...

So I started taking Vitamin D every morning and after a few days my depression finally abated. (Technically I take Vitamin D3 because it is easier to absorb and use. I also make sure that all the ingredients are compatible with my diet.) Although we are now well into summer, and I no longer feel like I am living in a cave, I still take this supplement nearly every morning.

Vitamin D is an essential nutrient; It's used by our bodies to absorb calcium. However, Vitamin D is not something we normally consume in food because out bodies can produce it in our skin when exposed to sunlight.

The reason the lack of sunlight seems to contribute to my depressed winters is that my body is trying to tell me that it is missing Vitamin D. In other words the source-less depression is a sign that my body is struggling to do the work it needs to do.

A second reason I think I got more depressed than normal this last winter is that I felt so much better since starting this diet. Similarly to how my body now overreacts to foods it is sensitive to because it is no longer constantly fighting, this winter I got a much stronger reaction to my lack of Vitamin D because my body no longer constantly struggles. When it is no longer generating Vitamin D its reaction is more prominent.

A huge reason I think my depression was compounded is stress. Over the Christmas break I lost more weight (most people gain weight) and then immediately afterward I gained back 20-30 pounds. I attribute all of that weight to stress and most of it to work-related stress.

Another contributing factor is that my sleep quality tanked back in November. I'm not sure what caused it to fall off. I'm using my CPAP every night, but for some reason I do not feel as rested each morning as I used to. My mask still fits fine, there doesn't seem to be a big leak, the machine is still pumping at the same pressure, and I still wake up less-than-rested.

Thankfully, since getting the vitamin D I need, I have lost much of my regained weight. I am on my way to getting even slimmer and more muscular (Pineapple comments from time to time 😁). To get these results I have been exercising more (I'm following a new program), doing yoga--daily if possible--and changing my relationship with work (I'm trying to do quality work without making my value as a person dependent on how other people perceive my efforts; this last one is the hardest to get right but is essential).

Now that winter's over, and I have a solid idea of what is probably going on, I now have a battle-plan for next winter. Hopefully next time I can be more in-tune with my body and can respond appropriately so that I can be happier and more productive.